Bubba Ho-Tep

By Ray Macula / January 18, 2005 /

Run Down and Ritualistic Sacrifices Is Elvis dead, or is he some geriatric geezer in a dilapidated East Texas nursing home? Why does Ossie Davis think he’s JFK? There’s no clear answers to any of the questions posed either here or in the movie. What is clear is that two octogenarians with the assumed personalities…

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The Secret Window

By Ray Macula / January 5, 2005 /

Break Down and Ball Breaking Johnny Depp is back, this time as Mort Rainey, a writer with some “issues” one of them being a whiny, reciprocity-type chick Amy (Maria Bello) that’s putting him through a messy divorce. Also along for the let’s-kick-ol’-Morty-(or Johnny)-while-he’s-down-routine is her new pea-brained, muscle bound fuck buddy Ted (Timothy Hutton). If…

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By Ray Macula / December 22, 2004 /

Breakdown and Breaking Balls A Western that takes place in the Middle East?! What the HELL?! But it’s true my friends, all too true. No, seriously. It’s based on the autobiography of Frank Hopkins. Speaking of whom, he’s played by Viggo Mortensen, and does a myriad of things throughout this film. He’s a scout at…

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The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

By Ryan Livingston / December 16, 2004 /

Often, when a television show makes it to the silver-screen it, well, sucks. This is especially true of cartoons in general and really true of Nickelodeon “Nick Toons.” They seem to stretch a half hour episode into an hour and half of diluted jokes in some cases… crap. Thankfully, the nuts at United Plankton Productions…

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The Punisher (2004)

By Ray Macula / November 10, 2004 /

Set Up and Sarcasm In Marvel’s new conquest of cinematic features none are spared, sort of like the hero and villain characters in this 2004 movie about the popular Punisher comic series. Tom Jane plays Frank Castle a lawman who has the misfortune to kill the son of a respected business man and 800 pound…

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By Ray Macula / November 10, 2004 /

Overview and Wise Cracks Hellboy is based on the Dark Horse Comic bearing the same name and concerning itself about the exploits of the same character. Considering that, one might say this movie is aptly titled. This so aptly titled movie concerns itself with the origins of and partnering up of Hell Boy and his…

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The Last Samurai

By Ray Macula / October 20, 2004 /

Overview and Wise Cracks In the Mid- to Late- 1870s Japan decided it was time to join the modern world and opened its ports to Europe and America. Towns grew, people adopted western dress, and democratic ideas infiltrated modern life. One might suspect that it was all milk and honey for everybody on board. Unfortunately…

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Van Helsing

By Ray Macula / October 6, 2004 /

Insults and Overviews Holy monkeys, would Bram Stoker have an aneurysm along with Mary Shelly at the sight of this abomination of cinematic sewage! Where to begin? Van Helsing is apparently the Lieutenant of God (yes, God is a military power) who suffers amnesia and works for the Vatican ridding the world of evil monsters,…

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Where the Buffalo Roam

By Ray Macula / May 9, 2004 /

But it’s true, all too true, my friend. Straight from the dawn of the 80’s (1980, to be exact) Where the Buffalo Roam has, yes, Bill Murray playing a very convincing Hunter S. Thompson. The actor assigned to play Thompson’s deranged lawyer/counter part Oscar Zeta Acosta however did not truly absorb the tweak driven, rage…

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The Rundown

By Ryan Livingston / October 5, 2003 /

The Synopsis: In this Adventure/Comedy, a loan enforcer (The Rock) is sent to Brazil to track down his boss’ maverick archaeologist son (Seann William Scott), who has gotten mixed up in the gold mining town-that-time-evicted of EL Dorado, which is owned by the ever evil/eccentric Christopher Walken. Throw in some rebels (including a washed up…

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