Those Darn Celebrities 01/07/03

Popped Idle

At last, at long last, we may have found the straw that’ll collapse the celebrity world in on itself. People with sense in their heads cheered as 20something teen sensation Britney Spears got married to a childhood friend as a gag, knowing that this may be jolt the public consciousness needs to realize that this sweet innocent is nothing but a glory whore.

According to publicists, Spears (a once believable self proclaimed straight-edge) claims to be sober and that the whole incident was but a gag that “went too far.” Right… a 22-year-old superstar clubbing in Las Vegas? Sober?

If this were true, then the once (believable self proclaimed) good Christian girl from the Bible belt has toyed with the holy institution of marriage. *gasp (with a southern accent)*

If I were her (and praise Odin I ain’t) I would have stuck with the “yes I was hopped up on Vodka and Meth shots” defense. It makes more sense for a celebrity to say this than to alienate her self from the overzealous by saying the marriage was a joke. Even in Vegas it counts babe.

Oh well, maybe it was the seduction of the ring. Its powers are vast and could easily bring the most “pious” to do bad things. My precioussss…

All in all though I have to say:

Hey Steve

Ok, we all know what happened. The croc hunter took his kid to work one day and got over zealous. Having his newborn in the pen with him during feeding time isn’t the brightest thing he’s ever done.

However, let’s drop the case already. He’s been censured and berated, and despite him saying he’ll do it again, I think he’ll wait till the kid can run.

But let’s examine this shall we? Who is more qualified to have a baby in with a croc than Irwin? Right… he’s a professional. The fact that he himself goes unscathed about 82% of the time with those things means that his child is probably the safest person alive.

There’s a lot worse done to kids these days by scab labor for worse reasons. Kids are dangled out of windows by untrained kid-danglers; children are starved to death by unlicensed emaciators; amateur sanitation engineers toss babies into dumpsters all the time; and the list goes on.

It’s not malicious, just misguided.

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Written by

Ryan Livingston

Ryan Livingston