Those Darn Celebrities 3-10-10

lohanmug1“Lindsay Lohan is suing the financial company E-Trade, insisting that a boyfriend-stealing, “milkaholic” baby in its latest commercial — who happens to be named Lindsay — was modeled after her. And she wants $100 million for her pain and suffering…” (source: NY Post)

So, I’m thinking that she was the only one “insisting” that this commercial was about her. The rest of us – who, up until now, had finally neatly stowed the antics of Ms. Lohan away in a footlocker in the corner of the collective consciousness (the dark one with the burned out reading lamp) – just enjoyed a funny commercial.

Alas, no one chained the box and she’s out making a fuss again. This time she’s just being litigious in nature rather than the normal lascivious. Evolution in action.

For those of you not in the know by now – E-Trade is an online brokerage whose commercials star a fiscally savvy baby who lives it up thanks to power trading of stocks and bonds. No small feat for a professional in this economy, let alone an infant. Anyway, here’s the commercial in question:

Now I fail to see any resemblance here. I mean the punchline is merely a baby with an apparent drinking prob… point taken madam.

But my beef isn’t so much with the lawsuit as the grounds for it. Again from the NY Post:
“Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna. ‘Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,’ Ovadia said.”

First of all, if you’re gonna go all mononym on the world, pick something better than “Lindsay.” It’s not all that distinctive – in 1986, the year Ms. Lohan was born, Lindsay was 46th in popularity ( Plus, I’m pretty sure 72% of America has had a bad experience with someone name Lindsay, though I’m still working on those statistics.

Secondly, comparing yourself to Oprah or Madonna? Really? They scored an Oscar and a Grammy respectively… where’s yours, Ms. Lovebug-remake?

Where does it stop? If slight innuendo experienced by one person can be the basis of a frivolous lawsuit, could this other E-trade ad be next?

Captain Sullenberger, you’re retiring, why not sue on the off chance they’re implying you fathered a rhythmically challenged kid?

In unrelated news… TMZ reports Corey Haim died today of what preliminary reports are deeming an overdose. Fans of the Canadian actor were shocked by the news. Not so much shocked that he died, but that he’d been alive all this time… OK, that’s in bad taste I know, I’m sorry, but I had to get it in before the late night comics!

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Written by

Ryan Livingston

Ryan Livingston