Commercial Singularity

In the beginning, there was darkness. A mass void of unrealized potential.

Then, with a flash and a flicker, a shining star came over the horizon (ok, so there was a void and a horizon, now shh); a star called Mass Media! Radio, TV and the printed word all promised to shine a light on our futures – guiding our way with knowledge of the world around us.

Then advertising agents came screaming out of nowhere causing a nice little super-nova and bollocksing the whole shebang!

Oh, but that nova was bright in its own sense – neon supermodels and the latest shinny gizmos had us all gazing at our TV sets the same way we’re not to do with the sun.

But, like all novas, the glory is fleeting. Over time, it soon turns back in upon itself forming a nice, dense singularity – a Black Hole, much like the souls of the aforementioned advertising executives.

We’re all now being drawn in, spiraling towards the center in a hellish journey.

It begins slowly enough. Mild interruptions in the broadcast continuum. Slight fluctuation’s in time, where 30 minutes, in actuality, is only 22. Shows fading in and out, or just appearing from nowhere confounding the latest in VCR technology.

But, there’s still dead air to fill. And fill it did with hour long commercials dubbed by scientists as the “Infomercial.” Though not a dangerous band in the singularity’s radiation field, the Infomercial layer does randomly combine matter into all sorts of ungodly appliances that tend to swirl about.

Then, the money flow quickens… and flashes of products begin appearing in the movies for no apparent reason. Cans of soda, bars of chocolate, logos of all sorts align themselves due-camera as if by magic.

Even quicker now, and the ads are so attracted to the cinematic pole, they follow movies into the home interrupting pay-TV and so-called 24 hour movie networks!

Minutes away from the center, the singularity spews out signals within signals – product placements with in product placements. This is a concept so strange, it defies even Quantum Physics. Coke mentioned in Pepsi commercials – brand X has disappeared totally from out sight. Magazine’s pushed in medicine commercials (eg. “see our ad in Such-and Such magazine”). The advert radiation is intense.

Finally… Event horizon. The point of no return. A place where the ads are so great, there is no escape. It’s when commercials begin to interrupt commercials…

I got sucked in last night during an infomercial for 70’s music, and they took a 5 minute commercial break to shill wheat pillows and Mathew Lesko. It was at that point I felt my atoms stretch, my nose bleed, and I was finally crushed by the intense irony of it all.

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Written by

Ryan Livingston

Ryan Livingston