In The Dog House: Follow-up
You sonofa…
I took your advice about the nutria for a family pet and the damn thing went on a rampage! It bit my son’s legs off the same night I brought it home. Luckily my wife is a skilled Amazon Huntress and was able to kill it before it got further. But man you should be locked up for the “help” you give. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers!
-Miguel
Sarasota, FL
Mikhail,
And you sir shall be hearing from my loan officer!
Seriously though, you should be on your knees thanking me now that your son can follow in your footsteps. With Amazonian genes in him, did you really think your kid’d have any chance of being a jockey without some sort of amputation? I just saved you $30,000 in leg shortening bills.
No Charge,
Mr. Eccentric
Dear Readers,
Although my words should be law, they are not. I but sit here in my padded cubicle ticking away at my keyboard, putting me out of posture to have a gun to your head. So if you don’t have the time to dedicate to keep vigil over your sleeping children while a bloodthirsty megarodent sleeps in their beds, please consider an antfarm to an exotic pet.
Yours in disclaimer,
Mr. Eccentric
Previous Mr. E's
Mr. Eccentric answers a quandary of someone who’s run afoul of some lawn ornamentation.
What to do if you’re home sick and stumble across a rift in space time? Mr. E has an answer.
Dear Mister Eccentric, How can Santa really know if I’ve been naughty or nice? I don’t believe he can! – Little Albert Trundle…
This week, Mr. Eccentric is picking harvesting the internet for the “best” quandaries he can answer in five seconds or less.
Dear Mr. Eccentric, I am a veteran of the Cabbage Patch Wars of the 80’s and Elmo Wars of the 90’s. This year I’ve been…
In this week’s installment, Mr. Eccentric explains the “real” story behind the, now defunct, Mayan apocalypse.
Dear Mr. Eccentric I can’t help but think there’s not enough coverage and/or outrage over the Deepwater Horizon disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. There…